If you haven't caught the news, Axis Descending has been cancelled and a "up to this point" build has been added to its new itch.io page.
The decision was based on a number of factors, both related to the production of the game and a reevaluation of my goals as a tenure-track Professor and, you know, just a dude. I needed to figure out what I should prioritize my time with. At the turn of the year I moved and started a number of DIY house projects, dealt with a seemingly constant barrage of problems and issues related to it, and had the usual holiday hubbub that comes with that time of the year. My wife was getting worried, my friends were noticing how distant I was and I was getting hit with some form of depression anytime I showed off the game. I wasn't speaking fondly of it, talking it down and dismissing it when I should've been admiring its strengths and sharing it openly.
I decided to just...be done.
The game had always been in and out of these development phases. I'd work on it, stop, I'd incorporate it into coursework or some form of event, then it'd stagnate and go dead for awhile until I was able to come back to it. This story you've heard before. It isn't anything new. Things came up, giving it up made sense, and I feel both happy to have seen it go so far and sad to see it come to an end. It was integrated into my mind pretty deep.
These sections of my life that seem so ordinary were actually supplanting this development process I had. Driving had me considering fixes, tasks and resolved so many types of problems that came up. The mere act of going home became this productive thing and now...that isn't really the case anymore. If I were stuck on a problem other areas of my life gave it clarity. It made me feel productive in a really odd, encouraging way. Something, somehow, was always moving forward with that project.
The other side of this story is that it stressed me out. To no end. I'd want to work, work, work on it and get it done and move on to the next thing. Carving out that time wasn't always possible with a full-time academic career, a family and more. It left me feeling impatient and frustrated at times when I really should've just been relaxed, taking in the moment and getting outside of my own head.
It felt good to work on it but in the end it wasn't healthy anymore.
So now I'm doing more illustration, working on more smaller projects and taking my time with things. Not having one large project on my shoulders has been relieving. I feel more connected to things going on right now, around me, and in the now. It was hard letting go of this thing that I carried for so long, but it'll mean a more robust tenure portfolio, allow me to work on my writing, and not feel so guilty about spending some free time playing games.
Wish me luck.
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